Who, being loved, is poor?
– Oscar Wilde, A Woman of No Importance
One of the best feelings is knowing you’re cared for; a richer feeling, knowing you’re deeply cared for. A poorer feeling is not being cared for, the feeling, no one cares and a feeling of being of no importance.
All of us are important in our small circles, to someone or several someones, not necessarily in the romantic someone sense, also in other relationships where we are relied on and rely on others. Marriage pacts are like any other agreement, intended for protection, knowing you can rely on someone to care.
The following is an excerpt from Alain De Botton’s, The Course of Love:
“We take this idea of love (being loved, rather than loving) with us into adulthood. Grown up, we hope for a re-creation of what it felt like to be ministered to and indulged. In a secret corner of our mind, we picture a lover who will anticipate our needs, read our hearts, act selflessly, and make everything better. It sounds “romantic,” yet it is a blueprint for disaster.”
It’s one thing to care about someone, it’s another to commit to the care of someone else. We all want unconditional acceptance, this is where the disaster comes in, we can’t all be indulged unconditionally. This is where commitment comes in, caring enough to commit to the relationship during times we are not feeling indulged, instead of moving on.
People utter the word love often, but it’s meaning is lost on us because we are not selfless, we are indulgent. In the best relationships, success is in the timing, since both are continually operating, the alternating between each other’s selflessness and indulgence, though our idea of selflessness is questionable (I’ll save this topic for a later post.). At any rate, in any relationship, whether lovers, family, friends, etc., there is never fulfilment, no one can meet the needs or desires completely, for anyone else; but we try, that’s the course of learning to love and one day after we’ve all died trying, we’ll have passed the test, having moved on for good, to the fulfillment of love♥