About iFyst

Inquiring minds want to know... I have a lifelong engagement with learning.

New Years Re-solution

The upcoming year is blurry so, abstracting anything except to keep with the ongoing task to re-solution all of the things not previously managed!

Goals and desires not yet completed or dealt with remain on the frontal lobe to do list.  A lot of the time, it can be a stretch envisioning the way to accomplishment from just the spark of interest; sometimes, it’s only a matter of time, but feeling time is gnawing at us can generate additional pressure to complete the to dos.

It’s common to feel caught by the years end catching up with us.  At year-end, it seems people feel it necessary to contemplate or, simply find themselves contemplating, the abstractness of being happy in what they think they might be missing or may have missed during life to this point, not only the previous year’s bustle of happiness-hit-or-miss while bounding between obligation and leisure.

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Three Shades To The Wind

In the present, we are ruminating on the past whether regarding what just passed, looking to a more distant past or, we are anticipating the future and what may happen.  If we experience happiness it is over one of these two ruminations, not ever, is it due to a present feeling only a feeling which is present.  We are three shades to the wind, always clouded by the gray hues, uncertain of the black and white of a thing, are generally looking at the surface of a matter or to its greatest depths in an attempt to reach the heart of the matter.  Intoxicated by the circulating air stream and moved by current trade winds, exchanging places, as we sojourn forward or backward which, exposes our reaction to either, the blowing past or, being blown passed.  These winds of change, often leave us as challenged as the wayward sailor sloshing about in treacherous waves of doubt yet, always steering us forward, only sinking, into thinking.  Our thinking though, is forward thinking.  We are strung by the leash of what was, only after it is and are continually strapped by thoughts of what’s next as, our conciousness is left in the previous place or sent bumbling to another and in no time, we are leaving a place with no time transpiring during transport, traversing mines in space impacting us… something is always blowing up on/upon us; although, in the end, we are the mined, being extracted, having come from what is in space.  We are returning to what is in space, but do not return the same as when we first began.  The big bang, destroyed our innocence as, we were pushed into this senario by a force expanding the universe with it’s presence throughout (Dark Energy) and, we are being extracted by the force of gravity, pulled into the dark mass of which we have no knowledge other than, it’s omnipotent power influencing us, of which, is beyond our grasp.

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Getting your wires crossed

This month has been chock full of crossed wires and double crossing, feeding a growing indignation, as solid lines have been crossed.  I could easily expound in reference to the car accident where another driver crossed the line into my lane and my car, forcing from me, a wailing grunt of disappointment and upon realizing it really had just happened, an audible expletive; however, I categorize this incident as minor when compared to the egregious double crossing perpetrated by the phone company I’ve used for ump-ton years.  My disapproval so great, it prompted me to tele-port my phone lines to another company!  Incredulously, this too was an exercise in getting wires crossed, spawning the communique of this post… customer service, “over and out”.

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Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

Unfortunately, there’ve been an incredible number of simultaneously burning fires across the nation this year, making it rough on many states in the form of smoke not only getting in our eyes and lungs but will surely prove to impair all our finances as well.

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Good Grief!

It’s so difficult to comfort anyone who is grieving because the feeling of loss is inconsolable.  Loss itself is a complex thing to define, mostly because it is wrapped up in our idea of control, believing we own or have power over things and people and believing they are ours and cannot be taken from us; yet, we also, continually fear loss of people or things, afraid they will be taken from us.

When we lose someone close to us, either to death or other circumstances, which may as well be death, if we’re no longer close, as current studies have shown, when we’ve lost touch with a loved one to death, we feel the same type of pain and grieve the same way as we do when losing touch with a loved one whom is still living, regardless of the type of relationship, whether a once close friend, a spouse, through divorce or a breakup with a lover.  In each instance, the bottom line is extreme disappointment stemming from something beyond our control.  We can debate the circumstances of an event and whether we could have prevented it; if it resulted in someone’s death, yet, it still evented; it happened and, to our surprise or not.  We must live without; the loss felt, making hearts heavy with the strain in grieving, wrestling with abandonment, desertion, emptiness and how to cope with this part of the human condition which is faced with knowing, at any time, anything can slip through our hands because nothing is in our hands.

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For Richer, For Poorer

Who, being loved, is poor?

– Oscar Wilde, A Woman of No Importance

One of the best feelings is knowing you’re cared for; a richer feeling, knowing you’re deeply cared for.  A poorer feeling is not being cared for, the feeling, no one cares and a feeling of being of no importance.

All of us are important in our small circles, to someone or several someones, not necessarily in the romantic someone sense, also in other relationships where we are relied on and rely on others. Marriage pacts are like any other agreement, intended for protection, knowing you can rely on someone to care.

The following is an excerpt from Alain De Botton’s, The Course of Love:

“We take this idea of love (being loved, rather than loving) with us into adulthood. Grown up, we hope for a re-creation of what it felt like to be ministered to and indulged. In a secret corner of our mind, we picture a lover who will anticipate our needs, read our hearts, act selflessly, and make everything better. It sounds “romantic,” yet it is a blueprint for disaster.”

It’s one thing to care about someone, it’s another to commit to the care of someone else.  We all want unconditional acceptance, this is where the disaster comes in, we can’t all be indulged unconditionally.  This is where commitment comes in, caring enough to commit to the relationship during times we are not feeling indulged, instead of moving on.

People utter the word love often, but it’s meaning is lost on us because we are not selfless, we are indulgent.  In the best relationships, success is in the timing, since both are continually operating, the alternating between each other’s selflessness and indulgence, though our idea of selflessness is questionable (I’ll save this topic for a later post.).  At any rate, in any relationship, whether lovers, family, friends, etc., there is never fulfilment, no one can meet the needs or desires completely, for anyone else; but we try, that’s the course of learning to love and one day after we’ve all died trying, we’ll have passed the test, having moved on for good, to the fulfillment of love♥

It Boggles The Mind

Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can~Arthur Ashe

I like this quote by Arthur Ashe; although, it’s hard to start anything when we’re busy reasoning as to why we should or if we shouldn’t.  You could say that is working it out, the only way we know how and it’s a start, middle and end to something, whether we realize it or not.  Mind boggling is our special human quality.

Through imagination, humans have the power to reason but reasoning is powerless against imagination.

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Recovered Files

There is a startling relief (now, if that’s not an oxymoron…) in seeing a folder named, “Recovered Files” in the computers trash bin directly after you’ve deleted a slew of files.  I am not a computer genius; but I am cautiously hesitant to send applications to the trash, knowing full well, there may be hidden and shared files, like little Pokémon running in the background eating bits.  I recently installed a newer version of an application for Mac, prior to uninstalling an older version.  Once testing the newer version, satisfied of due diligence in determining it was safe to uninstall the old one, after having gone through the motions of verifying it was in fact, only the old files being removed, I reluctantly pushed the button, emptying the trash.  Upon performing the customary reboot, I was startled to see a Recovered Files folder in the trash bin but also, relieved it was there, since it turned out to be holding a related piece of the license needed to use the newly installed version of the application. Though this process was on a Mac, it wasn’t surprising it was associated with a Microsoft application; typical fallout from what seems to be a generally convoluted and often unreliable programmed system; having found, these two giants are wired differently and, as it is with these relationships, there seems to be strings attached.  It may sound funny, this reminds me of Passover. Continue reading

Somewhere Over The Rainbow

I have a favorite sweater, which I refer to as my housecoat. Actually, I have two favorites. One I’ve had for more than fifteen years. I originally found it on a clearance rack at Macy’s for approximately $7.00 or less, making me feel good to have found such a bargain. Continue reading